Mid-Life Crisis???

I love long hair. I have always loved long hair, ever since I was a child. I think long hair is beautiful, whether it is hanging free, in braids, rolled up in a bun – I love long hair. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about long hair being a woman’s glory. I love long hair.

I have long hair. I love the fact that when my hair is down and hanging straight, the tips brush the seat of the chair that I am sitting in. I love the way it looks hanging down, framing my face. I even enjoying brushing it, despite the tangles, listening to the crackle of static electricity in the winter, seeing the waves made from the braid that I usually keep it in. I love long hair.

I am a historical interpreter. I do school programs. In most of history, women had long hair. Sometimes, as part of my programs, I talk about hair styles, and I use my own hair to demonstrate them. I love long hair.

I love long hair. Even when I was little, I always wanted to grow up into that lady in her 70s, with a crown of grey hair testifying to my age and experience. As I child, I loved my cousins hair, long, shiny, black, falling below their waist. I wanted my hair to fall below my waist. I love long hair.

I am thinking about cutting off my hair. This thought has returned to me over and over again over the last couple of weeks. And not just cutting it, but getting a boy’s cut. Short. Short short. Not quite a buzz, but a typical young boys cut. A little layered cap of hair.

And I’ve been thinking of dying it. Red. And maybe adding a streak of blue. Or at least, using a henna rinse on it, to create reddish highlights. I have never dyed my hair, at least, not on purpose. Ok, back when I was a kid, I used squeeze lemon juice on my hair before sunbathing. A time or two, I used a camomile hair rinse. As an adult, a few years back, I used a henna rinse on my hair – old henna, because I had been told that just a conditioning rinse, a henna “tea”, would be great for the hair, and not add color. Well, it did add some color, but not much – just some pretty highlights.

There is a place in Searcy that gives free cuts and hairstyles to people making Locks of Love donations. That is where I would go, if I decide to cut it.

But I’m trying to figure out why I am thinking about cutting it. There is something deep inside of me, that wants to do something out of character, something wild and crazy, at least, wild and crazy for me. Being a Christian, I’m not going to go out and get drunk, do drugs, or pick up someone in a bar. But I want to do something different. I want a change. I want to reinvent myself.

If I had the money, I would go to Europe on a castle tour. Or travel cross country, trying to visit every state. If I had the money, I would go take a hot tub bath at hot springs, or a mud bath at Eureka Springs. If I had the money, I would get a tattoo. I know what design I want, and I know where I want it – small, unobtrusive, a design just for me – I’ve told myself for decades that it would be my 60th birthday present to myself. I’m getting closer to that age, and feeling more like I don’t want to wait.
If I had the money I would…but I don’t. I can, however, get my hair cut. For free. And I’m thinking about it. A lot.

Is this just a midlife crisis? I have been making some changes in my life – or at least, trying to. Reinventing myself, who I am, what I want, how I want to live. I really want to do something – but I don’t know what – something wild, something crazy, something surprising. Reinventing myself.

I love long hair. I don’t know if that is what I want anymore.

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